Saturday, October 27, 2012

80 days

As I got out of the shower on this hot (supposedly "Fall" day) in October, I felt randomly inspired to write this blog. Probably because I am extremely excited, anxious...and nervous. In 80 days we go public.

I found out very early on (when I was 16, to be exact) that I wouldn't be able to carry my own children. Discovering this life-altering fact so early in my life, has actually been quite a blessing. As a result, I have always known what I was meant to do.

As I've mentioned before, when I met Ricky I knew instantly he'd be the one I would marry. At that moment, I knew I'd have to break the news to him. This broke my heart. Ricky was the first man I had ever, ever, pictured having children with, and it tore my heart apart that I couldn't do that; that there couldn't be little Ricky Marengo's with stunning blue eyes, and cute dimples running around the tee-ball field. I will never forget the evening when I told him my secret, the secret that had been tearing up my stomach inside for months. He cried. I cried. When I asked him why he was crying, he simply said, "I'm just so sad for you, and the experience you will miss out on." He wasn't sad for himself and what he'd be missing, but whole-heartedly sad for me. This is the man I married. Selfless and loving to the core.

Ricky and I entered into our marriage knowing that having children would be a difficult road for us, one that would take a lot of planning. We had two options: 1. Find a surrogate and face the battles of egg retrieval (yes my eggs are just fine!), sperm...whatever, and hoping that our egg and swimmers would create a little somethin'! Or option 2: Adoption.

In 80 days our adoption profile on goes public. On January 15th 2013, our 2-year anniversary, we will begin hoping and praying that a sweet and selfless birth couple see's our profile and chooses us to care for and love their child for time and all eternity.

Ricky and I started the process with LDS Family Services in August, and have since been using every spare hour we have on the ENDLESS amounts of paper work, interviews, questionnaires, online courses, etc. You wouldn't believe the hoops you have to go through to adopt. Oh did I say online courses, yes...20 hours to be exact! Fingerprinting, physicals from our doctors, original copies of birth certificates, marriage certificates, first aid/CPR training, family histories, employment verifications, tax forms, vehicle safety checks, house safety checks (our home visit by our case worker will be scheduled soon as well)...the list goes on.

Our incredible case worker emphasized the importance of getting the word out there that we are adopting. I've been a little apprehensive about doing that, strictly because I was self-conscious of the questions we'd receive, or I'd receive, about not having our "own" children. Ricky and I are so excited for the future baby that Heavenly Father has set aside for us. We know that there is going to be a child out there meant specifically for us! How cool is that!? Biology and genetics aside, that child WILL be ours.

We seriously can't wait...

80 days.